I found after Jeremiah was born that regardless of whether we beat this condition or not, I would never again be so selfish as to forget this world exists. There are people in this world who watch their children die slow deaths because of health insurance issues, there are people in this world who will bury more children than they will ever raise. There are families fighting every day against an enemy bigger than themselves, and I intend to make a difference there.

I have run the gammut of special needs children. I have been expecting one, planning a baby shower and- in the back of my mind- a funeral. I have been in the delivery room with one, and an audience of 20- something medical personnel. I have sat hours in waiting rooms, the NICU, the Ronald McDonald House- walking back and forth in the rain. I have brought my baby home and commenced to the round-the-clock care he required- all the while trying to make a semblance of normalcy for him. And, unltimately, I have lost my special needs child. How can you live these things and not make yourself available to those coming after you?

I found this that pretty much sums it up, and it’s kind of became my mantra as of late…

Someone once said, “When I see my child again and he asks me, ‘What did you do with your life after I left?’ I want to be able to answer, ‘The best I could, my child, I gave it all I had. I managed to survive though I missed you way too much. I reached out to others that I never did before. I saw sunsets and sunrises for the both of us. I listened to music with your ears and mine. I held another’s hand, I wiped away another’s tears. I felt the winters wind and the summer’s sun like never before. I forgave people who hurt me, I loved the ones I still had with me in ways I never knew I could. I gave it all I had, not in spite for you, my child, but because of you.” Alice J. Monroe

I does not require a hero to help someone who comes after you in circumstance, all it takes is coming out of yourself. My entire family has come to backing me up in my effforts with the Hospital and CHERUBS, and I can’t thank them enough for helping me find my new direction since Jeremiah. I am now face deep in a world I never really knew existed, but there is also much beauty in that world. So much that I don’t leave, even now that my reason for being in it is gone. That’s saying something!